Boyfriend’s forced marriage and forced sexual intercourse is like paranoia.
I am 35 years old and divorced. I met a divorced man with children on the dating website. He is four or five years older than me. When I first met him, I took a try attitude and went out to see him without dressing up.
I don’t intend to find a man with children in my heart. I have never had children myself, and I have no idea whether I have the ability and patience to take care of children.
After meeting me, the man seemed to have a good impression on me, and kept calling and texting, and there were many sweet words. At first, I was not tempted. I thought such a man was a bit unreliable.
After several meetings, he showed his sincerity. He showed me all kinds of documents, including ID card, real estate license and salary certificate, and insisted on buying me some expensive gifts.
The sincerity he showed made me constantly convince myself that this man is serious about me, and maybe I should try to have a good relationship with him.
According to what I mean, two people can talk about marriage after a period of normal communication, and after six months to a year. But he seems to be in a hurry. He keeps telling me to marry him. The reason is that it is very hard to live alone, and it is also very difficult for him to educate his children. I hope I can help him with his homework and take interest classes. I feel that his purpose is too strong, and my heart is very hesitant.
What makes me even more unacceptable is that he asked me for sex in various ways, implicitly or explicitly. I am not a very conservative person, and I feel that these things will be done after I have a certain emotional foundation. We have just begun.
I turned him down and told him a lot, but he just wouldn’t give up. Basically, he would mention this topic every time he talked on the phone or online, saying that he regarded me as his wife and was eager to have physical contact with me, but he also made it clear that he would respect my wishes and wouldn’t force it.
On the one hand, because of his sincerity, I don’t want to give up the opportunity to continue to associate with him; On the other hand, his forced marriage and bed made me feel embarrassed and didn’t know how to deal with it.
About three weeks later, one weekend, he invited me to his house. At that time, he said that there were old people and children at home. After I went there, I found that he was the only one. I asked him, and he said that the old people and children had gone to visit relatives.
After entering the house, I can’t quit, and then I think about what he said before, he won’t let me do what I don’t want to do, and I’m more at ease. Just sitting in the living room, chatting with him and eating fruit. Not long after talking, he got up and picked me up and walked to and from the bedroom. I was so scared that he wouldn’t listen to me at this time …
At the last minute, I refused to do anything. He actually hugged me and cried. I have never seen a man crying in front of me. It may be a natural motherhood. My heart suddenly softened and I felt that it was a bit cruel to a man who loved me.
Finally, he got his wish.
Afterwards, he said that he loved me and was responsible for me. Although I am full of doubts about his way, I have no choice at this time. I feel that I have been moved at once, and I still hope that he can treat me well as always.
Our relationship seems to have undergone some subtle changes after this incident. His phone messages seem to be much colder than before, and he no longer takes the initiative to find me when my QQ is online. I couldn’t bear to break up with him, and he struggled to get it back.
Finally, I chose to forgive and resume communication. After that, he asked for sex several times, and I was reluctant every time, and finally compromised. Then he regretted it, because every time he got it, he didn’t contact me very enthusiastically, and his wife’s name and sweet words were gone. I feel very lost.
When I am most sad, he can ignore everything when he is busy. I believe he is busy sometimes, and he is under great pressure when he arrives at a new unit. One thing that can comfort me is that he keeps saying that he still wants to get married with me as soon as possible.
This makes me believe that he is serious about me. But now, when we have been dating for more than three months, I also doubt this. The reason is that he forgot it on my birthday, and I am very unhappy. He said he was embarrassed and said it wouldn’t happen again, but he didn’t propose a remedy.
I asked him to accompany me to the movies, but he actually said that it was not cost-effective to watch movies outside, so he might as well watch them at home. He offered to invite me to dinner on Saturday, but the next day, he had something temporary and didn’t tell me in time that the plan had changed. He didn’t send a text message until one o’clock in the afternoon to say it, and he had something outside in the evening, and he didn’t call at ten o’clock in the evening. I called and the phone was turned off.
Later, at about eleven o’clock, I called again, and my cell phone was turned on. I suddenly got angry and had a quarrel with him. Because he didn’t know that I had been waiting for him, according to him, he went back after eight o’clock, and his mobile phone was charging, but why did he tell me that he had returned in other ways? The next day was Sunday, and I didn’t contact each other for another day. I called in the evening and apologized lightly for Saturday.
I don’t know what the problem is in this situation. Is it really because you get it that you don’t know how to cherish it? Is it time for us to end?
Reply:
For one thing, I don’t think this man is purely here to cheat. If it’s really purely for cheating, I won’t show you my ID card, work permit and real estate license, and I’ll say goodbye to you after going to bed, so I’m too lazy to cope with your later petty sex!
Secondly, I can see that you are also a little "difficult" woman. In such a relationship, you are entangled with him too much, and you regard every detail as an index to evaluate love and men, which makes you more and more collapsed in your relationship.
Maybe you also want to know, what kind of man is he?
I think he is probably just an ordinary man. After years of divorce, he needs a life partner, but also a physical partner, and his children need a stepmother. He is really looking for a companion, someone to live with. Love or not, it is second.
But you and he have different needs on this point. You also need a partner, but first of all, you need a lover, a lover who can fall in love, talk about interest and accompany you in a small mood. Although you are 35 years old and divorced, the standard of choosing a spouse in your heart is still like a girl.
None of you are wrong. What’s wrong is that you don’t understand each other’s real thoughts correctly.
After a man gets a woman, he really won’t cherish it as much as before. At the same time, it also means that a man has returned to reality. Before, his hospitality, sweet words and expensive gifts were all to please you in order to get you. This kind of flattery doesn’t mean that he is a liar, a man with passionate desires, and sometimes he is impulsive enough to make you think that he is a pervert. After the impulse, if he still refuses to let you go and still wants to talk about marriage with you, it will be clear that he is not a pure liar.
I don’t know why your last marriage failed. But in a long letter, you can feel your paranoia about some details. Yes, although women who have failed once all refuse to fail the second time, it is not necessarily that the second time will be complete if they carry the details too clearly and carefully! Just like your performance in the "birthday event", it is a bit too serious. There are countless men in the world who forget their girlfriends’ birthdays, but this alone does not mean that he is really unreliable.
It is said that "details defeat love", and a woman who pays too much attention to details will certainly be defeated by love.